Apology Unrendered

Have seen it time and time again
Those who hurt us in some big way
And never feel sorry, come what may
Never realize and never acknowledge
But act as if theirs is always a superior way

They’re sure to hurt us more and more
In the same manner in the same way
Be it in a small or in a big way, hence
Get an apology in time if you may
Before things go bitter, before it’s too late

Well, not to have them fall at your feet
But that they truly regret from their heart
That things shouldn’t have turned sour
That they didn’t want to blurt or hurt
That they didn’t want to break your heart

Do this! Or else you’re left with no choice
But to learn to forgive them again
And again and again; that is
Each time they treat you the same way
Which, mind it, they will – again and again

Apologies, when too hard to come by
Means, they take you for granted
Or that they do not fear losing you
Or they do not love you so much that
They cannot hurt you. In fact they never did.

© 2016 Alka Girdhar

 

~~~ ~~~

My above poem was inspired by The Daily Post’s weekly Discover challenge and the prompt Apology  .

Does it seem like a harsh poem? I wrote it impulsively but I do believe in forgiveness too; because while an apology is a powerful tool for the ‘best’ survival of any relationship, including that of siblings, family, friends, colleagues…what can you do if people continue to believe they never went wrong?

If they are adamant, and if we cannot avoid dealing with them, then the best we can do is simply imagine that we got an apology.

But as I said in my poem, an unrendered apology comes with a cost; a risk of receiving repetitive hurt which one must learn to bear and ignore.
Correct me if I’m wrong!

14 thoughts on “Apology Unrendered

  1. Another powerful poem from you, Alka. I like those afterthoughts, and they did give me something to think about. Whether we like it or not, some people stay in our life for a reason and in order for us to get along, sometimes we have to compromise. “..take you for granted” – maybe they do. Maybe they are too ignorant to see another’s point of view. Maybe they think they are utmost importance. Or maybe we think ourselves deserve classy treatment. But of course, none of us are perfect.

    It is interesting to hear you say “imagine that we got an apology”. I think it can be a good idea. Sometimes, people are just too stubborn to listen and the more we try to get them to apologise, the more we incite flames to a fire. Might as well just move on. Then again, this means they will never learn – but that really is their problem.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Mabel! Of course life is full of compromises, and each one of us has to do that from time to time. Most people do make mistakes and are also quick to rectify. Only some are obstinate and either take others for granted or they are ignorant about how to behave. Often people who do not bow down come what may are those who, as you say, ‘seek too much importance’.
      All in all, our job is to make sure we don’t hurt anyone, and if we have, we better scrutinize our behaviour first as to why we did that, and then be quick to apologize.
      Assuming and imagining we have got an expected apology reduces our mental tension, and that can be done once or twice but if the behaviour continues then we should have self-esteem and distance ourselves.
      Yes, getting others to apologize can mean inciting ‘flames to a fire’….because people who act unkindly towards others often do so intentionally, so chances are they won’t listen anyway 🙂

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      • We are all human and make mistakes. In all honestly, I think at one point in my life I was one of those stubborn people with a sharp tongue (and sometimes am still so). Then it came and bit me in the back and now I know better. It is not easy to apologise, I found, because you are essentially putting yourself out there for people to judge… 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes we all are like that. My usage of this word ‘us’ or ‘we’ includes everyone. We’re hurt when faced with a situation but we don’t realize when we hurt others.
          Sharp tongue is often temporary, possibly because somebody had angered you and it was your self-defense. Moreover, when somebody honestly accepts one’s behavior pattern and its repercussions, this realization itself means you’re aware that you should change. The change inevitably follows.
          Apologizing is difficult as it makes others feel as if fault was one-sided whereas mostly the fault lies with both parties though initiated or incited by one.
          Heavy discussion and now I need something light hearted 🙂

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  2. Hi Alka,

    An emotionally loaded poem…each thought full of anguish, each word a life-lesson! I won’t call it ‘harsh’ but I admire the candid expressions and emotions that it flings at those who happen to be persecutors.

    Yes! It happens to all of us and again and again because we love and respect those who don’t care to render an apology but it is very hard to apologize, that’s why even those who wish to say a word of reconciliation have to struggle to come out with them.

    At the same time, it is futile to expect an apology from those who think they are ‘superior’ and yes! People do take you for granted. An apology can never be forced out…it has to come from the heart.

    Forgiveness is a great virtue and as we mellow down, we realize it is better to forgive and keep distance from those who keep hurting. I agree…be kind enough to imagine we got the apology. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Balroop, you said it all. This prompt word prompted me to express my thoughts, but such heavy writing needs to be avoided. Who cares for apologies 🙂 life is short.

    When I say I have seen it ‘time and time again’, it means from my observation around me, and this includes not just my experiences but that of friends and families. Growing up…we had extended families where there were some uncles and aunties not talking to each other, till this boycott became long-lasting and later their children, who are first or second cousins, grew up without knowing each other. Next generations suffer.
    In recent years, I’ve been caught up in a tense situation between two youngsters; cousins who grew up in India, quite like real siblings, who migrated here as students a few years ago but do not talk to each other now. I am related to both in the same way, I listened to their stories but I didn’t want to take sides with any one of the two, so I distanced myself from both. My aloofness meant their moms overseas had an issue that I don’t care or pamper their kids. For years I had been away from extended families, and quite inept in handling such situations. Moreover, for years my kid and I myself didn’t get enough love from relatives out there till we compromised. So I didn’t need all this.

    Generally speaking, apology need not be an actual sorry but even a vague acceptance that it was a mistake or misbehaviour …so if such soft feelings of regret are missing altogether but a self-defensive attitude of arrogance exists, that is when it’s very much likely that the wrong behaviour will be repeated and repeated. Reason is, people keep justifying their previous bad actions, as if saying “I was always right”

    Oh for their wrong doings and the righteous ‘we’. I could easily put all this in a separate article 🙂

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  4. Great!!!
    I believe, apology is not just regret or compunction for having done something unbearable, but it’s an instrument for sublimation of one’s lacerating soul wounded due to subversive and vicious behaviour with someone, somewhere standing with righteousness.

    Liked by 1 person

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