A rant…From Me to You…

The Daily Prompt: From You to You  has asked us to…Write a letter to your 14-year-old self. Tomorrow, write a letter to yourself in 20 years.”

Oh baby! Was I ever fourteen?  I can write about 40 as that’s not distant, but 14 seems so remote though I do have vivid memories to share. My sensitive and studious 14 year old self does need some sermonizing on practicalities of life but I’ll leave it for some other time.

My son should answer this prompt. In fact, I can write on his behalf as I know him inside out. I think I do. On the contrary, maybe I don’t. He’s always been a thoroughly good boy during his schooling and now university but generally, as they grow up they have their own lives, esp. our sons. As such, in these times we all live in our own cocoon. Particularly at young age they want to carve their future, spread out their wings so they’re busy trying out new ventures and journeys.

Right now at this moment my son is in London. He went all alone for a month long academic trip to Europe. After Switzerland and Germany, he’s now in UK.

The last few weeks were anxious anyway but today I’m worried like hell, for he has not been picking up the phone since yesterday. Right now it’s midnight in London and I assume he must have been caught up in tube transport strike during the day or when coming back home late evening. Something to do with that.

When I last talked to him almost two days ago, he said he will not go out of his accommodation on Thursday as the city may get chaotic. But the whole day on Thursday, his phone was switched off, so I have no idea what’s been going on. Due to his hectic schedule and the time-gap between the two countries, his phone calls have been generally erratic throughout his trip, but this one’s the longest disconnect we had.

Of course, all this gave me a sleepless Thursday night. On top of that, today on Friday morning, I woke up to a power shut down. It’s not usual for Sydney to go without power, but that’s what happens when you need something the most. A few hours of no electricity meant phones can’t be charged, problematic net connection and all. Finally the power is back so I’m writing all this.

Now…waiting for his phone call. Possibly he’s asleep at this time. He will wake up and call us. But I have the phone numbers of Australian Embassies ready and also that of London Police.

My husband, who is busy with his inter-state tasks, tried to contact him as well but was amused at my panic. He laughed and said …”Police. Huh! Aren’t you too worried?“

Yes I am.  For I am a mom.

So yeah… 4, 14, 21, 40, 60, 80…nothing matters as long as we are safe and alive.

mother and child

My son with his mom when he was younger, she was younger but not 14

Whether we get little miseries or bigger woes, abundant achievements or tremendous failures, small joys or exhilarating happiness, it all holds value only when we ourselves are secure, and sure of the safety of our near and dear ones.

So. What will I say to my fourteen year old self? Maybe some of the above. And much more.

~~~

He called later in the day, as if nothing happened. So everything is ok now.

I can’t hold his hand anymore to keep him within my range. I should realize that it sets me free as well.

Many Shades of Motherhood…

On Mother’s Day, various blog authors expressed their feelings in their posts. Here are some of them. I picked them up randomly and must have left out some good ones. You can share in your comments
Please have a look.

1).  Simple thanks to one’s mother:  Everything

2).  A mother thanks her wonderful son: On Being Mom

3). Mothering a sick child: Happy Mother’s Day

4). Mother and child…a snug feeling:  Happy Mother’s Day 

5). Becoming a mother, early motherhood:  Born Again

6). Beautiful thoughts of a daughter: My Mother

7).  How many candles?:  Mother’s Day cake

8).  Cute bond:  Best Bargain Ever

9).  Is it just a commercialised Love? :  The Truth About Mother’s Day

10).  On royal baby and royal mom:  Baby Princess Charlotte

11).  A son shares his thoughts of motherhood: Give her your time

12).  God is the true mother: Mother’s Day (?)

13).  Mothers who give (sacrifice) their child away, for his/her benefit:   Jochebed

14).  Simple love and little excitements on this day:  Mothering Day

15).  What if you lose your child, or you have none? :  Why I hate Mother’s Day

16).  Separated parents – a child opts for her/his mother:  A Day in Court 

~~~

Many shades of motherhood indeed!

There are birth mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers, adoptive mothers, surrogate mothers, young mothers and older mothers.
There are children born in adverse circumstances, their parents have no choice but to hand over the kids to someone who can look after them. Often, such children feel huge anger their whole lives, esp. on Mother’s Day (as I read in some blog posts but I decided not to put them up here).

There are neglected elderly mothers/parents who live in old age homes, not cared enough by their adult children but still continue to bless them.

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This is the emotional journey I undertook on Mother’s Day – visiting various blogs and sharing them. I wanted to experience all kinds of feelings, not just the usually accepted happy mood. There are all kinds of families in this world – all kinds of mothers and all kinds of children.

 

Journey Inside

Quote

That ill-fated sleepy afternoon
as I sat nodding with closed eyes
A fly entered my ‘big’ mouth
well not so big it is, but
yawning full-force was I, and
the dirt-loving creep must’ve
come to kiss the dribble
so down went the greedy bug
through my inner dark alleys

I gagged and gulped
but down it slipped, through
narrow tunneled esophagus
through the wobbly stomach
the slimy small intestine
swinging my large intestine
and then finally free…. 
but wonder
survived or life-free.

So I don’t want to go that path,
no thanks. And how can I, can I?
For one, I am not a fly
And then, I am still alive

I sure do want to go inside,
take an inward journey,
to know not my body, but
my true soul from inside
To know myself a bit better
before I actually truly die…

 

Of course, the above story was imaginary.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “No, Thanks.”

Journeying towards a deadline

The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “In Due Time.” has asked us:
“What’s your next, most pressing deadline? Are you excited, stressed, or ambivalent about it? What’s the first thing you’d like to do once you’re done with it?

~~~~

Well, members within a same family live for each other’s deadlines and that’s what a family is all about.  Currently it is my husband’s approaching deadline for his new job that is giving us mood swings.

Few months back, he had to switch jobs as his previous contract finished rather the company closed its local office. The new job search went on along with plans to start his own business.  This in-between-jobs phase was a really eccentric one.  I knew it all the time that this stagnant phase was a temporary one and I could also sense a big change of events around the corner.  And yet, this phase was very difficult to pass.

After what seemed like endless time, he has got a new job.  Thus moving from one great job to another, he will soon leave Sydney to go to Cairns in Australia.  He is looking forward to it.  He loves travelling, staying in different wonderful cities.   For me and my son who cannot go with him in all his journeys, there is a charm of hearing about new experiences, of him getting pretty little things from the new cities often some mementos and of course lots of photographs.

So right now, this is the deadline.  To see him off and see him settled well in his new job.  There is tension.  The packing goes on while he bids farewell to his own friends or is it the other way around?  Well, doesn’t make much difference to me. There is excitement, there is stress for me and my son, and there is anticipation of a different yet more adventurous future as Cairns is supposed to be fun.   There is charm, there is hope and there is unknown fear.

This tension will slowly build up till the 4th of January, the D-day.  Once this deadline arrives for him and for us, from the very next day I too will begin a different life. I can’t join him so I will have to plan a new lifestyle here in Sydney.  All these months, while he was trying to get his own life back to track, I had lost my own track. Well somewhat.  If one member’s life goes disjoint, it does influence every other family member as well.

So my life will suddenly be too smooth, almost boring.  Quieter too.  Other than my work-related stress, there will be lesser household work. But that’s an illusion as he has been very helpful, esp during the in-between-jobs phase.   So when he goes, all the load falls on me and I would need to reschedule my time-table as well as daily shopping to go with my altered dinner menus.   Unlike India, we have no helpers here .

And yet, I look forward to spending my own hours, maybe some better planned writing and reading, going for window shopping, for long walks, in fact anything that pleases me.  Renew my friendships with female friends.  Will also up skill my Web Development knowledge.  May go for doing more volunteering and social service around town.  And of course I can go back to my native country India and spend longer time this time.

But on my very first day alone,  that is the 5th of January, I will rest and sleep a lot.  I have been through such times before so I know what works.

This will be just a deadline like many others that life is full of.  One should look at any changing phase in a positive way and make the most of it.  After all, we in the family have to support each other in meeting the deadlines like these.

cairns-city

cool blue…Cairns

sydney-to-cairns

In Due Time